I've been meaning to write this blog for some time but just have been too busy. I saw the movie, Vicky Cristina Barcelona, a couple of times recently and absolutely loved it. It does what a movie is supposed to do. It inspired me to imagine a different possibility for myself. It made me want to do something different. It made me want to go out and explore the world and of course shook my foundation a little. I know I want a PhD, but do I want to make that kind of 5 year (minimum) commitment right now? Wouldn't I be better served living a little? Teaching English abroad and just exploring? I miss Spain. I want to go back. I want to do the unexpected. I want to just go and follow the wanderlust that constantly nags at my heart. And yet...it would set me completely off track. It would be the irresponsible thing to do. I really do want my PhD and the career that goes with it. Putting it off longer and putting myself in a financial hole wouldn't be the wisest way of going about it. Will this constant dichotomy of longings always exist in my heart? Will I ever find a balance or would it just be compromising? Anyhow, one of the characters in the movie calls this longing, this searching - CHRONIC DISSATISFACTION. I've diagnosed myself with it. Sadly, I think I may have this for the rest of my life.