Unless you've been hiding under a rock somewhere, you know that Michael Jackson, the "King of Pop," passed away last Thursday after going into cardiac arrest. In my heart, I've wanted to write a posting honoring the man responsible for a large part of the soundtrack to my childhood. However, I've been too busy reading the blog postings from around the world, sharing different ideas and emotions about what he meant, as a pop icon, to people.* It's fascinating to read just how much people have to say. Some of it is insightful and thought provoking and some of it is just ignorant and mean spirited. Regardless of which side of the fence you fall on in this issue, it is undeniable that MJ has had a profound impact on popular culture around the world.

My personal opinion? Michael Jackson was a brilliantly talented artist and performer. His music will have an impact on music and popular culture forever, elevating him to legendary icon status. Michael Jackson as a person? That's much more complicated. Clearly, the man suffered from a tremendous amount of emotional and physical pain. Yes, he had a number of "issues," but don't we all? Clearly, his issues may have been more abundant but my guess is that this was further aggravated by these issues being so very public. We all have skeletons in our closet and insecurities. However, most of us enjoy the privilege of dealing with them in private rather than under the watch of the entire world. If everyone was watching you each time you had an emotional breakdown, as you struggled with your demons, don't you think you'd come off a bit strange too?

I don't believe MJ molested children. The video footage I've seen of him interacting with children shows a grown man longing to be a child. Although his behavior may seem odd to many adults, in the context of the very public and professional life he led from such a young age, it makes sense. Was his behavior unusual? Yes. Does that make it criminal? No. The child stars he had relationships with stood by him during all of these allegations and trials. They had nothing to gain from him and have spoken very highly of him. Those who did make accusations always had something to gain. Yes, Michael was a troubled soul who longed for a childhood he had been denied. This may have led him to peculiar behavior, but it doesn't make him a pedophile in my eyes.

Then of course there's the second most talked about issue concerning Michael Jackson: that of his physical transformations over the years. Do people really believe Michael Jackson is the only person that ever lived who has been addicted to plastic surgery? I think not. Are there not plenty of people who would opt for these "beauty enhancements" if they had the money and the privilege? Do we not all deal with body consciousness? Do we not all struggle with self love and acceptance of our bodies? Do we not live in a society obsessed with physical appearance and unrealistic standards of beauty? Clearly, fame and fortune did not make Michael Jackson an exception. Did he lack self love and acceptance? Yes. Did he get carried away with the physical transformations that his wealth allowed? Absolutely. Does it make him a freak? I'd say, considering the world we live in? Not at all. As far as the skin whitening goes...To be honest, I don't really believe he had vitiligo. Do I think he desperately wanted to be white and chose to do this to himself? Yes. Does that make him weird? Again, no. These beauty standards that we are constantly inundated with reflect certain values. White skin has been the socially acceptable beauty standard for ages. Sure, in recent years, there has been more of an effort to include people of color in these representations of beauty. However, for the most part, white skin is still the most visual representation of beauty we see in advertisements, in the media, and just about anywhere else popular culture's reach can be seen. Do communities of color internalize these values? Yes. Do they often lead to internalized oppression and feelings of self-loathing? Sadly, yes. The majority of the people of color that I have known, myself included, have at one point or another in their life wanted to be what they weren't. Can this make people feel ugly and/or inadequate? Yes. Does this mean we're doomed to feel this way forever? No! My point is that we cannot scrutinize a man for wanting to be white considering the society we live in. Is racism still prevalent? Yes. Does "white privilege" still exist? Yes. Are beauty standards racialized? Yes. Did MJ go too far with his longing to change his physical appearance, including his skin color? Yes. Who did this to him? Society.

What makes me sad about all the media coverage about MJ's death? The speculation, the gossip, the continued criticism underlying all of the praise and mourning. The media is doing what they do best. They're focusing on their ratings and sales numbers. Do they, as an institution, care about Michael Jackson, the person? I don't think so. This was the same institution that made him out to be a monster, a public spectacle, and broke this man down. Now they want to praise him? It makes me a little sick.

I'm a Michael Jackson fan; I have been for as long as I can remember and I always will be. I didn't stop being a fan when he became a public spectacle amidst all the molestation accusations. I didn't become a fan upon hearing of his death and I won't stop being one when the media frenzy dies down. Sure, Thriller, came out the year I was born and I was too young to remember that year, but I grew up to the sounds of his music. His music has brought me such a joy and I will always be mindful of the pop icon who was also a human being and a very lonely soul. I was finally going to have our chance at seeing MJ in concert this September. I bought tickets for one of his "This Is It" shows in London. Ticket holders now have the option of receiving a refund for their tickets OR they can opt for the tickets being offered by AEG Live (the concert promoter) printed with a "special lenticular process," a kind of 3-D image that changes or moves when viewed from different angles, to them. The question now is: Do I get my money back or do I let AEG Live keep it so that I can have a piece of historic memorabilia of what could have been?**


* You can read two of my favorite blog posts about MJ here and here.